OBSRVTNS: March 28th, 2016
I'm going into my third week back at the gym and I'm feeling a lot better and pushing myself harder. I struggle with my body image a lot. When I was in grade school I was always conscious of trying to be pretty because I was nerdy. I felt the need to always also be beautiful, because as a girl, being brainy sort of nullified your value. When I got into highschool I was a ballerina and the obsession became my weight, being thin enough, which I never really was. It was a hard thing to love something like ballet, to have done it since I was a toddler, and to be told the only thing keeping you from living your dreams wasn't your talent, but your inability to lose twenty pounds.
After highschool the worry was about being curvy enough. I entered puberty late and developed breasts after most of my friends. I was obsessed with pushup bras and low cut tops, anything I could do to prove or assert my femininity. Then I started to model and the obsessions with looks continued. I've always accepted it as part of being a woman, this constant battle with your body, but I'm tired. This has been the first time that I've been working out and lifting weights for myself, because I want to be stronger, because I want to have endurance, I want to have a relationship with my body, with myself.
My girl was helping me clean and organize my house and when she was done I couldn't find my scale anywhere. I normally keep it in front of my refrigerator. I took the hint. You can't really live your life that way. So I'm trying to do things the old fashioned way. work out and don't over indulge and don't starve and don't obsess over "good" or "safe" foods and "toxic" or "bad" foods.
I'm going to be performing a stand up set at The Ice House in Pasadena April 1st, so come on out!
I'm also now going to be co-hosting the Cobra Juice variety show at the Steve Allen Theater/Trepany House on April 23rd, so please be coming to that!
This week on OBSERVATIONS with Sovereign Syre: Brittani Nichols is a writer, actress, and comedian here in Los Angeles. She’s written for a lot of online mags, many with a feminist bent and she’s written a few pilots. She’s currently got one cooking of for MTV Yo, Is This Racist? Brittani is also a recurring character on Transparent and just finished filming her first film, Suicide Kale. So, a busy lady. We sat down and talked about growing up poor versus privilege when you’re an artist and the differences between black student culture and white student culture in high school.