Bruce Jenner

Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn Jenner:
and all the media around the world is scrambling to decide just how fuckable or is it (fuckible?) she now is in a sad counterpoint to Madonna who recently created heavy negative buzz by daring to kiss Drake on stage during the Coachella music festival.  So remember, Madonna at 56 is a gross grandma while Caitlyn Jenner at 65 is a highly fuckable icon.  The power of a penis can never be diminished.  It is worth noting that there’s nothing new under the sun.  As early as 1565, when the French landed in modern day Jacksonville, Florida (A few years before the Spanish laid claim to Saint Augustine, Florida, then known as a Timucua village called Seloy), transgender natives were observed by René Goulaine de Laudonnière.  He took a careful account of the nature and customs of the Timucua natives and noted they had many “hermaphrodites” whom were men, but who dressed as females and did the work of women.  Respectfully he would refer to “hermaphrodites” by the “she” pronoun.  Learning is fun-da-mental.

Is it Fie-Fah or Fee-Fuh? Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum I smell the blood of an Englishman…or however that goes.  So all this time I though FIFA was like ISIS or something.  Turns out it has to do with sports?  Do you know why they call it soccer instead of football in England and the United States?  LET A PORNSTAR HELP YOU:  It’s because soccer is actually derived from the term asSOCiation football in England.  In everyday parlance soccer became shorthand for association football.

Who Beauty Is It:
It turns out Mexicans are the happiest about their appearance, which isn’t really that surprising considering they actually are the most beautiful people in the world (if you’ve ever watched a telenovela or have genitals you know what I’m talking about.)  Let’s be honest, there was a reason the Spanish conquest happened so quickly.

Oh My Goth:
This week marked the 22nd anniversary of the day Damien Echols was arrested as part of the West Memphis Three.  He spent the next 18 years in jail before finally being exonerated.  He’s pretty much the only goth in existence who can actually claim rights to truly being punished for being different.  He’s turned into an amazing human being and existentialist philosopher.  I keep hoping the Marc Maron will have him on his podcast WTF with Marc Maron.  (See what I’m doing here?)

Quote of the Week:
“Arguing that you don’t care about privacy because you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don’t care about free speech because you have nothing to say.”—Edward Snowden