A Change Would Do You Good

Greetings Syrenauts!  As you've probably noticed there have been some changes around here.  Like when you go to ilovesov.com you get sent over here to sovereignsyre.net.  (You should probably change your bookmarks and stuff because that's going to be a permanent change.)  What happened you ask?  Well, Richard Avery, the amazing human being person who ran ilovesov.com and the OBSERVATIONS podcast, has decided to kind of retire.  He's irascible and incorrigible though, so I don't really see him slowing down anytime soon.  Dick is one of the greatest fashion photographers ever, but he had a special love for porn girls and not the creepy Terry Richardson kind, but the "I respect the hell out of how brave you are and I want to capture you expressing every part of yourself" kind.  

Not only did Mr. Avery photograph us girls like we were editorial fashion models, but he built us websites where we could write about our feelings and often for the first time, be the ones in charge of curating our images and brands.  I recorded all of my podcasts out of a room in his house in Hollywood where he built a little recording studio just so us ladies could give ourselves a voice.  He edited and maintained all of our silly shows and did all the pain in the ass stuff like upload those files to itunes and soundcloud and all the other tedious things that go into maintaining a web presence.  

Thank you Dick, for everything.

I came into the porn industry with a photographer/lover that had big dreams of turning me into a huge star and then riding my coat tails into the sunset.  Things didn't quite work out the way anyone planned.  When I found myself an MFA student turned model turned pornstar who had some aspirations to do more but no discipline and a lot of terror about being capable of doing it on my own, Dick was there with his hand out, saying, come on kiddo.  He built me a blog, made me be diligent about updating posts to it.  When I said I wanted a podcast, he told me to book my first ten guests and he'd make himself and his studio available.  He cohosted through 75 episodes until I figured out how to talk to people, how to shut up, how to carry a conversation when it started to falter.  Through all of it he taught me to be grateful, be brave, be nice and have fun. 

"I'm not stupid.  I do all of this work because I believe in you," he would tell me when I doubted myself or got nervous about trying to do something I was afraid to want. 

I'm totally teary as I type this.  Richard has seen me through some of the toughest times of my life and never once did he offer me any pity.  Those are special kinds of friends

Two years later and through the podcast and writing and a lot of love and encouragement I'm here.  I'm a standup comic.  I'm writing a novel.  I have a monthly column.  I'm now taking over my podcast, hosting, recording and editing on my own.  I'm a big girl (finally)!

There is, of course, a long way to go to but in this moment it feels pretty damn good to step back and look at how far I've come from the day I went on my first modeling job, terrified of life and desperate for the boyfriend that had sent me there to love me, to getting to walk on stage at The Comedy Store or The Stand and fucking kill it.  I would have never thought that kind of future was available to me then, that I could be anything more than beautiful and sexually available to someone much more powerful and successful than me.  I was guided almost exclusively by fear, like most people when they leave home or school for the first time and suddenly have to "figure it out," whatever "it" is.  Life I guess.  Or your place in it.  Now I'm guided more by curiosity, confident that whatever it takes, I can figure it out.  (I mean I made this website, right?  Don't worry it will change fifty more times before I leave it alone.)

The podcast will be back in September.  I'm lying fallow for a bit, tinkering with this new site, getting the old episodes up on their own account on itunes.  You're all gonna have to resubscribe I'm afraid.  In the meantime all the old episodes are up at Soundcloud. I'm working on some really special guests over the next two weeks.  I'll be back to my regular weekly blog moving forward and pretty soon it'll be like nothing ever happened and this was just the smoothest transition ever.

I will promote this more and more, but:

August 25th

I will be in Columbus, Ohio at The Funny Bone doing stand up.  You can find all the info if you hop over to the "shows" page.

August 26th

I will be back in LA to host the Cobra Juice Variety Show.  It's my birthday show.  Marc Maron is performing.  Dave Foley is reading my email.  Justine Joli is doing burlesque!  Ticketing and info is on the "shows" page.